Non-stamp related post!
Apologies to Erin (if she's even still reading my blog)
I have not had a chance to stamp! DS, Nick, is taking all my time. He got his report card just before spring break. He's in the gifted class at school. The Math & Spelling are a grade level ahead. The kids have to keep a "B" average to stay in this class. Well, Nick got a "D" in English. Needless to say, since the rest of his grades were "B"s, he is now BELOW the "B"! The real bite in all of this is that I had a conference w/his teacher 2 days before the end of the quarter. I was concerned about his concentration & his grades. His teacher told me not to worry about his grades, they were "fine". Well, apparently her version of FINE & mine are NO WHERE NEAR THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To stay in the class, Nick has to bring his grade up to a "B" by the end of the year. So, we decide (since screaming, yelling, threatening & taking away his privileges wasn't working) to implement a reward system. For every day he gets his reading done by 3:15ish, he gets a check mark. For everyday he gets all his homework done (and with a good attitude) he gets a different check mark. When he accumulates 15 check marks in each category, he gets a reward. Day one (yesterday) no check marks. He somehow stopped reading & it took him until 3:45 for get his reading done. Then, he threw a fit about all the other homework & didn't finish it until nearly 6pm!! And guess who got to sit there & work on it with him? ME!!! I did not keep my patience well :(
Tonite; same problem. He had 20 minutes of reading left when I got home at 3:15. Somehow, 45 minutes later, he was done reading. HOW is this possible???? When I asked him he said "I don't know". ARGH!!! When he did his math, he missed 6 out of 25. I told him to go back & fix them & he yelled at me about everyone of them; how they weren't wrong & I was just picking on him. Of course her redid them & got different (right) answers and then complained 'cause 80 was close to 75 so he should have gotten credit for it. HUH??? It's math. It's NOT SUBJECTIVE!!!!!!!!!!!
I am at the end of my tether on this. I don't know what to do. I truly feel (and his teacher agreed w/me last month but, she also thought his grades were fine) that he is quite capable of the work (he knows the math, just doesn't want to take the time to do it right) . DH thinks we should pull him out of the gifted program. I don't think that's the problem!! I think he'll have the same problem in the regular classes & probably more since he will not be challenged.
The only 2 options I see are 1) test him for Attention Deficit. This was a suggestion by the school social worker. I really think he's probably a classic case but dh won't HEAR of it!! I was given a form to complete & the teacher was given one. This would ID the areas he has trouble & then, if the Social worker thought he was in ADD territory, we could chose to pursue it with our Dr or not. Either way, we would at least know the areas he needed help with. Dh said NO WAY and threw out the form.
2) Take him out of public school & put him in the private school DD's in. They would not put up w/his shenanigans & would have the ability to deal with him better one on one since the class would be much smaller. Obviously, this would create a monetary concern. Plus, I know the "breaking in" process would be quite taxing on all of us.
There are only 7 more weeks of school (OMG, that sounds like forever). Of course, summer vacation is just a bandaid. I needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. I doubt it as he forgot to bring home the research for a paper that has to have a rough draft done by Thursday.
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7 comments:
Oh Suzi,
Take a deep breathe! I know how hard this is for you and your DH! Why is it that your DH doesn't want him tested for ADD? It is not a bad thing...the medication helps and you will all be happier!
I totally agree with you if you take him out of the gifted program things are going to be worst because he will not be challenged on top of everything else...so he just will not do the work!
I hope that you and DH can agree on some plan of action :)
Good Luck,
K
Suzi, I know what you are going thru. I have a 10 and 12 yr old ds. The oldest one has been in gifted ed. and doesn't work any harder, but is less bored.I applaud you for doing the reward program. It works if you take it day by day- and remember it's ds who needs to want the reward- was he involved in choosing what the reward will be? Have you thought about alternatives to ADD medication- investigate braingym exercises. they have helped with concentration for a friends son.
Sarah
Well I'm not sure why you apologized to me but my heart really goes out to you! I don't have any awesome advice but I hope you and DH can come together on some plan for him.
I feel bad for you Suzi. Is there a possibility that one of the classmates has said or done something to him? One of my sons was doing very well in school...he could read several levels above his and had great math skills. Then one day, it was all over. We tried everything...he later told me that one of the "cool" kids told him that it wasn't cool to be smart. At this age they are so concerned about what their peers think..and hormones are also starting to kick in. It seems to me that you would have known before now if he did have ADD. It could be related to something totally unrelated to academics. Anyway, it is just a thought. Hope you will find the key and things will all work out.
Suzi,
I have a dd who is now 15 and is still in AG classes. She is making a "C" in one class and "B" in another. She told me she almost had a "D" and knew she would get a lecture. I told her no, I'm going to try not do do that anymore, but I would be disappointed if she did get a "D" that's all.
I looked at her one day and told her it's up to you. Do you wanna stay in the classes or get out.
Basically they have to want it.(IMO).
As a parent we see only their future, as a child they see only today. (watch t.v., hang out w/friends etc.)
I can tell, you have great concern and love for your son.
Threats and yelling won't solve the problems.
Giving him lots of hugs and encouraging words will help.
A "d" is a "d" and tomorrow it will be a "d". It is simply a rating system that the school has employed.
Be careful to judge his achievements: Is he still learning, does he love to learn and does he want to learn.
I believe the whole school system thing should be about the kids and not grades... Afterall our children are there to learn not be commanded into molds of the "perfect student" or "A" student, but to Learn. If we deter the enviornment, the child loses the desire/will to learn. I for one want my child to learn, no matter the level of "excellence".
Hope this doesn't sound like a platitude only trying to encourage you and help you see another side to the big picture.
Debbie aka Victorianrose (SS)
Hey Suzi, Im not a mommy yet (nor do I look fwd to having to deal with these sorts of issues, but I hope that you can find a solution that you and the hub agree on. Try a calm talk with dh as add is one of those things that is better to prevent (arent all cases? lol) at the early stage. <3 You are so kind and sweet on my blog and in real life, I wish I had better advice to give to you.
hey stalker friend. it isn't going to hurt anything to have him tested for add or adhd. i'm a 35 year old that got tested a few months ago and have severe add. started medication and life is so much better (ok, i know my blog might say otherwise!) as far as school and being able to concentrate. there are worse things that having add!
hang in there.
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